When you bury your emotions with your own hands and carelessly butcher a part of you that
you know you can't live without.

A deliberate denial.

Desensitization
Slipping thpugh my fingers.
My attempts at stoicism are proving to be quite comical.
And painful.

Running, running,

far away.

Where the winds cannot touch me.

Where the moon cannot mock me.

Running, running,

stumbling, falling.

and its raining.

to make things worse.

What?

What is so hard to figure out over here?
Isn't it pretty obvious?
This game that iam playing-that iam enjoying-is going to end pretty soon, and pretty abruptly. But till it does, I'll enjoy every minute of it!
Do you know how much effort I have to put in all this? All the meticulous plans I have to chalk out in my twisted little head?
Funny how ridiculously heartless a person can be! But then again, what is so funny about it? Of course I have the right to do as I please and that is presicely what Iam doing right now (as I always have done previously as well).

It gives you a different kind of rush altogether.
Slice, slice, slice.
Sprinkle a little bit of genuine indifference,
A pinch of lust,
A dash of stiffled conscience,
And a whole lot of pretense!

And there you go! You're all set for an experience of a lifetime!!
Go ahead, judge me.
I bask in your apathy and disgust towards me.

Frozen dreams.
A few million of them.
Waiting to be thawed.

Yes I know. Things went wrong...so very horribly wrong. So what? That really means nothing. Do you really feel that will ever stop me from feeling the way i do about you? I have deliberately de-sensitized myself...But each time I see you, each and every time I hear you call my name....each time you hold my hand...even now, I feel the same emotions that always washed over me before. Who am i trying to fool? Myself and everyone around me (not that they care) I presume. Every single time I want so badly to be in your arms, I get flashes of you in her arms. ...Telling her the same things you always told me...Loving her the same way you loved me...Being so completely lost in her....never ever thinking what was going on inside me...your blatant lies...your insensitivity...never could imgine you could be so cruel to me..the one who you apparently loved...then again, there had been six and a half before me...

How will I ever move on? How can I ever forget you? How is that even possible? Those two months will last me an entire lifetime and you know it oh so well...Nothing helps...Nothing can ever...Iam so alarmingly empty without you...Do you even bother? Are things really as simple as you always make them seem? Was it really my fault?? Why am I then not guilty? Why do I love you so much? Look what you have done to me now...Look what I have ben reduced to. A pathetic caricature of my erstwhile self. Yes Iam going to blame you...for everything...its so much easier that way dont you think? I dont know how iam going on without you...pretending to be ok...Never knew I can be so pretentious.

I miss you like insane. When you got back to her...I felt so defeated....perhaps I had no reason or right to feel that way..but then again, not everything can be justified...You killed me...