I need inspiration.
And a reason to be alive. A good enough reason.
Iam sick of being a failure.

20th june.
he is here.
buried buried buried in his arms.
never letting go off him.
and for a change, he is holding on me, like he'll never let go.
"i hope you're happy..."
that familiar smell.
that voice.
his casual laughter.
his justifications- why he chose not to tell me that he loves me. ..how he had to be responsible and act like an adult.
how he now feels that i indeed deserved a fair chance. that he took awa my fair 50%
how a girlfriend is differnt from the one you love.
how difficult it is to take care of him.
his scars.
he does not want me to share his burden. so he says. he does not think its fair.
he now feels he treated me wrong.
that if only there was time.
he'll give up anyone he is with to be with me if circumstances permit that in the future ever.
he says he wont think twice.
he was scared he would feel for me more than he has ever felt for anyone.
and he pushed me away.
because he felt it wouldnt work out, that he would be hurt, it would be unfair.
he is right.
and he tells me this today.
long since i have ceased to be.
:)

When you bury your emotions with your own hands and carelessly butcher a part of you that
you know you can't live without.

A deliberate denial.

Desensitization
Slipping thpugh my fingers.
My attempts at stoicism are proving to be quite comical.
And painful.

Running, running,

far away.

Where the winds cannot touch me.

Where the moon cannot mock me.

Running, running,

stumbling, falling.

and its raining.

to make things worse.

What?

What is so hard to figure out over here?
Isn't it pretty obvious?
This game that iam playing-that iam enjoying-is going to end pretty soon, and pretty abruptly. But till it does, I'll enjoy every minute of it!
Do you know how much effort I have to put in all this? All the meticulous plans I have to chalk out in my twisted little head?
Funny how ridiculously heartless a person can be! But then again, what is so funny about it? Of course I have the right to do as I please and that is presicely what Iam doing right now (as I always have done previously as well).

It gives you a different kind of rush altogether.
Slice, slice, slice.
Sprinkle a little bit of genuine indifference,
A pinch of lust,
A dash of stiffled conscience,
And a whole lot of pretense!

And there you go! You're all set for an experience of a lifetime!!
Go ahead, judge me.
I bask in your apathy and disgust towards me.