Frozen dreams.
A few million of them.
Waiting to be thawed.

Yes I know. Things went wrong...so very horribly wrong. So what? That really means nothing. Do you really feel that will ever stop me from feeling the way i do about you? I have deliberately de-sensitized myself...But each time I see you, each and every time I hear you call my name....each time you hold my hand...even now, I feel the same emotions that always washed over me before. Who am i trying to fool? Myself and everyone around me (not that they care) I presume. Every single time I want so badly to be in your arms, I get flashes of you in her arms. ...Telling her the same things you always told me...Loving her the same way you loved me...Being so completely lost in her....never ever thinking what was going on inside me...your blatant lies...your insensitivity...never could imgine you could be so cruel to me..the one who you apparently loved...then again, there had been six and a half before me...

How will I ever move on? How can I ever forget you? How is that even possible? Those two months will last me an entire lifetime and you know it oh so well...Nothing helps...Nothing can ever...Iam so alarmingly empty without you...Do you even bother? Are things really as simple as you always make them seem? Was it really my fault?? Why am I then not guilty? Why do I love you so much? Look what you have done to me now...Look what I have ben reduced to. A pathetic caricature of my erstwhile self. Yes Iam going to blame you...for everything...its so much easier that way dont you think? I dont know how iam going on without you...pretending to be ok...Never knew I can be so pretentious.

I miss you like insane. When you got back to her...I felt so defeated....perhaps I had no reason or right to feel that way..but then again, not everything can be justified...You killed me...

Contusion

Color floods to the spot, dull purple.
The rest of the body is all washed-out,
The color of pearl.
In a pit of a rock
The sea sucks obsessively,
One hollow thw whole sea's pivot.
The size of a fly,
The doom mark
Crawls down the wall.
The heart shuts,
The sea slides back,
The mirrors are sheeted.

-Sylvia Plath

a sunday evening

Yet another weekend...an idle sunday with not much going...well almost...when too many things happen all at the same time, it all gets a bit too hard to digest n so I switch on the 'immune' button, and tust me it helps. the same old song-n-dance routine...family lunch together then going out for shopping with my parents. But today was really special...today was really significant in my otherwise insignificant life. I lost a part of me today, i lost something within me...a part of me that i had discovered only recently...a side of me that had changed my entire life and made me feel things I had never dreamed of feeling before. I had learnt how to smile. But certain things, which are too good to be true..which are perfect...die premature deaths...have abrupt endings...and then you realize the meaninglessness of life and how futile it is. Oh well...i would refrain from going into details of what happened this fateful afternoon, but yes, its a day that I will never forget.